May 1st is a legal holiday in Germany, so, this Monday is what we call a bridge day, meaning a lot of people take advantage of it to get two days in a row off for the price of taking just one day off work.
Guess who is on the bridge today, nautically speaking. And of course there are plenty of messes to clear up, too.
Tomorrow, though, I do have a day off. As DH will be out of town, I´m going to have that day all to myself.
What I intend to do with it is another round of decluttering, and maybe I´ll even start to rearrange our bedroom, meaning I still intend to exchange our present sleeping abode with what used to be the guest room, but is originally intended to be the master bedroom.
Now if it weren´t for DH´s heavy heirloom bookcase and desk which are blocking half of the future master bedroom...
Perhaps I should rather start things with a fresh coat of paint on the walls- that is necessary anyway, and I still have several buckets of wall paint in the cellar (I just hope that stuff doesn´t spoil...). Considering that moving closets around is a lot easier when there are two people to give a hand, that just might be a better solution. I sometimes tend to overestimate what I can do on my own. Mind you, every one of those closets I did bring home and assemble by myself once. But not the heavies, as in "queen size bed made of massive wood" or "desk the size of a door laid flat", and, as these must necessarily be moved, trying to do it alone isn´t such a good idea after all.
But perhaps I´ll do some painting. If I start with the corridor, I don´t even have to move too many items out of the way, so that just might be doable for just myself.
I´ll see if I feel like it tomorrow...
Julia
2012/04/30
Deja vu interruption
What we wanted to do on Friday was drive to visit MIL, so DH had pulled the car out of the parking garage and parked it in front of the house when I came home from work. There it stood-
and in front of it-
ARRRGHAIN-
another big puddle of something greasy.
Turned out the radiator they had just built into our car was defective, and the coolant had all but seeped out.
So, phone call to MIL that we weren´t coming, and then, after refilling the coolant, on to the repair shop. Luckily, the shop where we had our car repaired some weeks ago is part of a nationally operating chain, and luckily, they have a repair shop in our city, too, so we had the replacement paid for by the warranty on the first repair. They even had the right part on stock, so we got our car back the next day.
Only to find that now the AC doesn´t work any more, so we´ll be back with them next week to have them finish the repairs...
Sometimes it feels as if someone out there was out to get us.
Then again, had that happened while on the road we´d really have been up s***creek without a paddle, so I guess we were still lucky.
Strangely, I´d still prefer not needing that kind of luck. Oh well.
Julia
and in front of it-
ARRRGHAIN-
another big puddle of something greasy.
Turned out the radiator they had just built into our car was defective, and the coolant had all but seeped out.
So, phone call to MIL that we weren´t coming, and then, after refilling the coolant, on to the repair shop. Luckily, the shop where we had our car repaired some weeks ago is part of a nationally operating chain, and luckily, they have a repair shop in our city, too, so we had the replacement paid for by the warranty on the first repair. They even had the right part on stock, so we got our car back the next day.
Only to find that now the AC doesn´t work any more, so we´ll be back with them next week to have them finish the repairs...
Sometimes it feels as if someone out there was out to get us.
Then again, had that happened while on the road we´d really have been up s***creek without a paddle, so I guess we were still lucky.
Strangely, I´d still prefer not needing that kind of luck. Oh well.
Julia
2012/04/27
Sunny prospects
It´s getting warm this weekend, and the forecast says it will be up to 30 degrees centigrade on Sunday. Quite a temperature jump again- it seems that weather changes are becoming ever more dramatic in the last years.
So, that means wearing my summer clothes again.
I had, some weeks ago, taken out a blazer-and-vest set I had which had become a bit wide plus two blouses. I thought they weren´t that much too big for me yet. Alas, DH must have misunderstood something there, because he took them (without my noticing it) and dropped them off at the Red Cross.
I was a bit miffed at first when I found out, but that didn´t bring them back. And, to be honest, they were too wide, as were those jackets in the same size I decluttered on Sunday. The thing being, not that they were oversized, but that they were cut so that the wide part was up front, i.e. the big belly and chest area, and that´s exactly where I have lost most of my extra pounds. Back fat never was a problem. So, when trying the ones I still had here, I found out that the front part, after condensing those parts of me, was lying flat, and the extra fabric was sticking out in the rear like a duck´s tail most unbecomingly. As I do no longer have the big butt that used to need that much room in a garment, either, and the hemline of those jackets, too, was drooping down from back to front, accentuating that invisible duck tail, I actually wasn´t very likely to wear them any more.
Which meant they would have been wardrobe clutter.
When I thought about why I had wanted to keep them at all, what I found out was that the only reason was that I wanted the illusion of having a wider choice of jackets to wear than what I really have and can wear today.
Today, after decluttering them, that part of my wardrobe has become quite empty-looking, as has the trouser compartment. Mind you, I still have enough clothes to get by on. I bought, in addition to the four dark jackets I take turns wearing professionally, that pink blazer I mentioned, which goes with all my pants and many of my blouses, and I have found that I can get by nicely on a maximum of four pairs of trousers. Buying more than that would be a waste because I am, after all, still recondensing. As for blouses, there are still plenty. As the fabric of blouses drapes better than that of jackets, and I can wear the hem of a too-wide blouse tucked inside my jeans, I am still keeping the ones that are just one or two sizes bigger than what I´d need today.
My present wardrobe, thus, has become quite minimalist.
Which has made me realize how much I have been overbuying in clothes when I was fat.
I was always hoping to find clothes that would make me look slim again. So, I kept buying. To no avail, of course. At a BMI 42 the hope for looking slimmer would have meant acquiring a cloaking device, not a cloak or jacket.
Today, I don´t need that any more. And I don´t have to resort to fashion (or fatshion) any more to feel myself to be presentable.
And that too, is relieving.
So, I know what my new style will be- basic pants and jackets over blouses, with a coat on top, and of course my beloved trademark leather vests.
And that is enough.
As for having gotten rid of the too-big clothes, maybe someone else will get some use out of them. I am determined this time never to need those sizes again.
Which brings me to the biggest fear I have when it comes to quitting smoking again- that I might, then, not be able to stop myself from overeating.
This weekend, we´ll be visiting MIL, and that means no smoking during the day because I don´t want to upset her over my relapse. That just might be a chance to stop for good, except I don´t want to be climbing the walls with withdrawal symptoms, either. Or eat up everything in her fridge to stop the cravings...
OTOH, if it´s true what I read about the worst withdrawal symptoms being gone after 72 hours, I could be out of them by Monday. If I were to quit today.
Last time, I had been using nicotine patches, but I don´t want to do that this time because if I quit, I want to be out of the withdrawal time as fast as possible. It ought to be easier, this time, too, because I did, back then, smoke some 50 cigarettes a day, and had been for over twenty years, and today, I´m keeping below 20 and have changed to reduced-nicotine ones a week ago.
Sitting on the fence not daring to jump. All the time knowing that the money that goes to cigarettes now would buy me some addition to my shrunk wardrobe every month.
I feel like a coward.
Julia
So, that means wearing my summer clothes again.
I had, some weeks ago, taken out a blazer-and-vest set I had which had become a bit wide plus two blouses. I thought they weren´t that much too big for me yet. Alas, DH must have misunderstood something there, because he took them (without my noticing it) and dropped them off at the Red Cross.
I was a bit miffed at first when I found out, but that didn´t bring them back. And, to be honest, they were too wide, as were those jackets in the same size I decluttered on Sunday. The thing being, not that they were oversized, but that they were cut so that the wide part was up front, i.e. the big belly and chest area, and that´s exactly where I have lost most of my extra pounds. Back fat never was a problem. So, when trying the ones I still had here, I found out that the front part, after condensing those parts of me, was lying flat, and the extra fabric was sticking out in the rear like a duck´s tail most unbecomingly. As I do no longer have the big butt that used to need that much room in a garment, either, and the hemline of those jackets, too, was drooping down from back to front, accentuating that invisible duck tail, I actually wasn´t very likely to wear them any more.
Which meant they would have been wardrobe clutter.
When I thought about why I had wanted to keep them at all, what I found out was that the only reason was that I wanted the illusion of having a wider choice of jackets to wear than what I really have and can wear today.
Today, after decluttering them, that part of my wardrobe has become quite empty-looking, as has the trouser compartment. Mind you, I still have enough clothes to get by on. I bought, in addition to the four dark jackets I take turns wearing professionally, that pink blazer I mentioned, which goes with all my pants and many of my blouses, and I have found that I can get by nicely on a maximum of four pairs of trousers. Buying more than that would be a waste because I am, after all, still recondensing. As for blouses, there are still plenty. As the fabric of blouses drapes better than that of jackets, and I can wear the hem of a too-wide blouse tucked inside my jeans, I am still keeping the ones that are just one or two sizes bigger than what I´d need today.
My present wardrobe, thus, has become quite minimalist.
Which has made me realize how much I have been overbuying in clothes when I was fat.
I was always hoping to find clothes that would make me look slim again. So, I kept buying. To no avail, of course. At a BMI 42 the hope for looking slimmer would have meant acquiring a cloaking device, not a cloak or jacket.
Today, I don´t need that any more. And I don´t have to resort to fashion (or fatshion) any more to feel myself to be presentable.
And that too, is relieving.
So, I know what my new style will be- basic pants and jackets over blouses, with a coat on top, and of course my beloved trademark leather vests.
And that is enough.
As for having gotten rid of the too-big clothes, maybe someone else will get some use out of them. I am determined this time never to need those sizes again.
Which brings me to the biggest fear I have when it comes to quitting smoking again- that I might, then, not be able to stop myself from overeating.
This weekend, we´ll be visiting MIL, and that means no smoking during the day because I don´t want to upset her over my relapse. That just might be a chance to stop for good, except I don´t want to be climbing the walls with withdrawal symptoms, either. Or eat up everything in her fridge to stop the cravings...
OTOH, if it´s true what I read about the worst withdrawal symptoms being gone after 72 hours, I could be out of them by Monday. If I were to quit today.
Last time, I had been using nicotine patches, but I don´t want to do that this time because if I quit, I want to be out of the withdrawal time as fast as possible. It ought to be easier, this time, too, because I did, back then, smoke some 50 cigarettes a day, and had been for over twenty years, and today, I´m keeping below 20 and have changed to reduced-nicotine ones a week ago.
Sitting on the fence not daring to jump. All the time knowing that the money that goes to cigarettes now would buy me some addition to my shrunk wardrobe every month.
I feel like a coward.
Julia
2012/04/26
Double vision
As I mentioned before, I´m wearing glasses. Having to work at a computer, I´m legally required to have my eyes checked regularly.
This morning´s checkup went less smoothly than usual, as I had real difficulties focusing on those tiny images they had me look at. Now, according to my optician, the glasses I need haven´t changed, but I did notice that with just a bit of straining my eyes I get those troubles focusing.
Which I guess might have something to do with my weight loss. I have, after all, lost quite a bit of padding in my face, too, so it´s highly probable that I have also lost fat around my eyeballs. I did notice those vision problems every time my weight had gone down by a greater amount, and I know they tend to go away again once my body has readapted to that weight.
Just another reminder of how many things in my body have been influenced by being morbidly obese. Obviously, being obese is something that can wreak all kinds of havoc on all parts of the body. I´m glad to have made it out of there before incurring any more damages.
As to smoking, I´m down to about fifteen from twenty to twenty-five cigarettes a day, half amount of nicotine than my old brand.
And I have been watching just when the cravings come.
Unsurprisingly, they come whenever I want to take a break, or procrastinate on something.
Now what I need to find out is how to take a break without smoking- or eating instead. Just sitting there, for me, is making me all jittery.
Going out for a smoke is, in contrast, doing something.
Looks like I still need to work on my problem with free time.
I envy people who look forward to days off. Myself, I´m actually glad to be back working, most of the time.
I also envy people who can be relaxed, just enjoying a few minutes off from work, without that urge to be doing something.
If I had that ability, I wouldn´t need to fear quitting that much.
Crazy, isn´t it?
Julia
This morning´s checkup went less smoothly than usual, as I had real difficulties focusing on those tiny images they had me look at. Now, according to my optician, the glasses I need haven´t changed, but I did notice that with just a bit of straining my eyes I get those troubles focusing.
Which I guess might have something to do with my weight loss. I have, after all, lost quite a bit of padding in my face, too, so it´s highly probable that I have also lost fat around my eyeballs. I did notice those vision problems every time my weight had gone down by a greater amount, and I know they tend to go away again once my body has readapted to that weight.
Just another reminder of how many things in my body have been influenced by being morbidly obese. Obviously, being obese is something that can wreak all kinds of havoc on all parts of the body. I´m glad to have made it out of there before incurring any more damages.
As to smoking, I´m down to about fifteen from twenty to twenty-five cigarettes a day, half amount of nicotine than my old brand.
And I have been watching just when the cravings come.
Unsurprisingly, they come whenever I want to take a break, or procrastinate on something.
Now what I need to find out is how to take a break without smoking- or eating instead. Just sitting there, for me, is making me all jittery.
Going out for a smoke is, in contrast, doing something.
Looks like I still need to work on my problem with free time.
I envy people who look forward to days off. Myself, I´m actually glad to be back working, most of the time.
I also envy people who can be relaxed, just enjoying a few minutes off from work, without that urge to be doing something.
If I had that ability, I wouldn´t need to fear quitting that much.
Crazy, isn´t it?
Julia
Sock it to them!
I did get to buy two baggies full of dried lavender yesterday. When I came home, I opened my handkerchief drawer to look for some hankies to convert to sachets, and chanced upon... a pack of nylon socks that I had bought some time ago, cheaply, and found out to be ill-fitting, so they weren´t worn at all.
As I wasn´t wearing them, they were actually clutter. Until yesterday, that is, because seeing them made me realize that those hankies were far more expensive to cut up for sachets, I would also have to sew those, and I wanted those lavender sachets fast in order to moth-proof my clothes storage and closet.
What I did was using the nylon socks as baggies, fill in some lavender flowers, tie a knot into them, and attach them, by the remaining end of the sock, to the hangers in my closet. The whole thing took me about ten minutes, and now I have a wonderfully lavender-scented closet. I may make some more of these- there are still plenty of socks left! And I just hope that it´s true what they say about moth keeping away from that smell.
Julia
As I wasn´t wearing them, they were actually clutter. Until yesterday, that is, because seeing them made me realize that those hankies were far more expensive to cut up for sachets, I would also have to sew those, and I wanted those lavender sachets fast in order to moth-proof my clothes storage and closet.
What I did was using the nylon socks as baggies, fill in some lavender flowers, tie a knot into them, and attach them, by the remaining end of the sock, to the hangers in my closet. The whole thing took me about ten minutes, and now I have a wonderfully lavender-scented closet. I may make some more of these- there are still plenty of socks left! And I just hope that it´s true what they say about moth keeping away from that smell.
Julia
2012/04/25
Lavender perfume
So, I picked up two packs of anti-moth yesterday. I had expected to find the old kind of moth paper or mothballs inside, but on opening them, I found it was little sachets smelling of lavender (I guess there was even some real dried lavender in there). These were, of course, fortified with some pesticide (not what I´d ordinarily use, but the cumulative moth damages have, by now, become high enough to call for radical countermeasures).
I also noticed some products heavy on lavender oil. Now I used to have a bottle of pure lavender oil in my household, but when that ran out, the shop where I had bought it had folded, so I didn´t replace it.
What is still on sale in our little town is dried lavender flowers- for making tea with, but I think they´ll work in sachets, too.
As I own a big stack of cloth handkerchiefs that I haven´t used any more since my pollen allergy has gone away (I probably grew out of it), the material for sewing some sachets is already there.
So, I´ll see if I can pick up some dried lavender over lunch break. And for this summer´s balcony planting (which hasn´t yet been done because there´s still the danger of night frost) there´ll be a couple of lavender bushes, too, to be harvested in autumn.
Putting some lavender sachets between my linens, sweaters, and into my other closet spaces might just keep those pesky beasts away for good.
And, of course, it smells good.
If I sew them myself, I´ll be having them for almost free, too- I have seen ready-made ones that were looking cute, but were rather expensive considering how little lavender could fit in there. Simple white ones will do the job as well, I´m certain.
Guess what, I am looking forward to that fresh-smelling closet!
Julia
I also noticed some products heavy on lavender oil. Now I used to have a bottle of pure lavender oil in my household, but when that ran out, the shop where I had bought it had folded, so I didn´t replace it.
What is still on sale in our little town is dried lavender flowers- for making tea with, but I think they´ll work in sachets, too.
As I own a big stack of cloth handkerchiefs that I haven´t used any more since my pollen allergy has gone away (I probably grew out of it), the material for sewing some sachets is already there.
So, I´ll see if I can pick up some dried lavender over lunch break. And for this summer´s balcony planting (which hasn´t yet been done because there´s still the danger of night frost) there´ll be a couple of lavender bushes, too, to be harvested in autumn.
Putting some lavender sachets between my linens, sweaters, and into my other closet spaces might just keep those pesky beasts away for good.
And, of course, it smells good.
If I sew them myself, I´ll be having them for almost free, too- I have seen ready-made ones that were looking cute, but were rather expensive considering how little lavender could fit in there. Simple white ones will do the job as well, I´m certain.
Guess what, I am looking forward to that fresh-smelling closet!
Julia
2012/04/24
Found space
Looks like the volume of a towel can be reduced by laundering and then refolding it. While that runs counter to what science would make me expect, it´s what I found out in the course of yesterday´s big laundry campaign. After laundering and folding, the towels I had, until then, kept in the corner wardrobe suddenly all fit into another (moth-free) cupboard, and they even look more tidy the way I folded them.
Now I still have to launder the bed linens, which I can, due to drying rack space being tight, do only one set at a time. But when that´s done, maybe I´ll finally be rid of the moths.
That a local drugstore, this week, was advertising for mothballs and such at a twenty-percent discount shows, at least, that we aren´t the only ones having that kind of problem... and it will make a certain necessary purchase a bit less pricey.
Weight-wise, I have been oscillating around that ten-kilo-notch mark for over a week now, sometimes a bit over, sometimes under. But at least the amplitude of these oscillations has gone down, as has my average weight.
The weekend´s closet cleanup, btw, also brought to light an old pair of "fat" trousers I have kept as a deterrent and for those comparison photographs. I had DH snap a pic of me wearing these on top of my running clothes- maybe I´ll feel ready to post it someday.
I´ve also been looking for an official "before" pic, but haven´t decided yet, there being plenty of pictures of me from my highest weight time, but in most of them I´ve managed to twist myself far enough to make that extra baggage appear less bad than it was. So I am still looking for the most candid pic of what used to be.
But even whe I´ve not found that one yet, seeing the difference between those old pants and the body I have today makes me glad to be out of there.
Julia
Now I still have to launder the bed linens, which I can, due to drying rack space being tight, do only one set at a time. But when that´s done, maybe I´ll finally be rid of the moths.
That a local drugstore, this week, was advertising for mothballs and such at a twenty-percent discount shows, at least, that we aren´t the only ones having that kind of problem... and it will make a certain necessary purchase a bit less pricey.
Weight-wise, I have been oscillating around that ten-kilo-notch mark for over a week now, sometimes a bit over, sometimes under. But at least the amplitude of these oscillations has gone down, as has my average weight.
The weekend´s closet cleanup, btw, also brought to light an old pair of "fat" trousers I have kept as a deterrent and for those comparison photographs. I had DH snap a pic of me wearing these on top of my running clothes- maybe I´ll feel ready to post it someday.
I´ve also been looking for an official "before" pic, but haven´t decided yet, there being plenty of pictures of me from my highest weight time, but in most of them I´ve managed to twist myself far enough to make that extra baggage appear less bad than it was. So I am still looking for the most candid pic of what used to be.
But even whe I´ve not found that one yet, seeing the difference between those old pants and the body I have today makes me glad to be out of there.
Julia
2012/04/23
Pest control
With spring arriving, I had intended to spend the weekend doing the semiannual wardrobe rollover, putting away the warm winter sweaters and jackets and pulling out my summer wardrobe. Alas, when I took out one of my woolen jackets, I was greeted by a rather visible hole on the back side of it. Moth. Turned out that the rear side of my closet , which consists of two parts that are joined by a stripe of elastic self-sticking tape, had, over the course of the winter, come apart, and those critters had obviously taken that as their way inside.
Now the jacket they had been feasting on was one that I had been thinking about decluttering anyway, as the color doesn´t suit me any more since I have ceased to be a fake blonde. But I also have my fur jacket in there, and on the shelves under and above the main compartment, towels and bedclothes.
So, there was nothing to it but pull out everything that was in there and check for moth traces. One woolen scarf had fallen prey to them, too, and was duly ditched. The other items didn´t yet have traces on them, so I just shook them out. The fur jacket was thankfully in a protective cover, so I hope they didn´t get to it, but I´ll have to get some mothballs to put in there just in case. I´m not a fan of these, but that fur jacket is the warmest winter garment I have, and I´d hate to have it chewed up.
The clothes dryer in my living room is full of freshly laundered towels, and the bed linens are lying in the corridor waiting to be laundered, too. The closet has been wiped with alcohol glass cleaner.
Before putting the clothes back on the rack, of course, I did a size check. What I ended up with was half a sack full of too-big items, among them most of the jackets I´d worn last winter and a linen suit that had, by now, also become unwearably wide.
And I´ll check everything I put back for wear and tear, too. Maybe there´ll be less towels and bedclothes to put back than I took out. Having everything freshly laundered isn´t such a bad thing, either, even though this may be the first occasion I regret not owning an electric clothes dryer. On the other hand, if I have too many to dry on the rack, I probably have too many, period. I´ll have to be selective about what I put back.
As I launder the items as hot as possible to ensure getting rid of moth eggs, this is also quite an expense as far as our electric and water bills are concerned. But I don´t really think I have a choice there- either wash them, or risk having those beasties multiply again inside my wardrobe.
And the next time I get to a hardware store, I´ll get myself some duct tape to patch up the rear wall of my closet.
Meanwhile, the half-empty closet shows me clearly how many of my old clothes won´t accompany me into my slim life. Guess what, as I am not, presently, going bare, this is a great way of finding out how many clothes I really need. Maybe, in the end, I won´t even need as much closet space. If and when we ever get around to our- ever postponed- bedroom relocation project, that may even be of some help.
There´s no decluttering help like finding some pests, is there?
Julia
Now the jacket they had been feasting on was one that I had been thinking about decluttering anyway, as the color doesn´t suit me any more since I have ceased to be a fake blonde. But I also have my fur jacket in there, and on the shelves under and above the main compartment, towels and bedclothes.
So, there was nothing to it but pull out everything that was in there and check for moth traces. One woolen scarf had fallen prey to them, too, and was duly ditched. The other items didn´t yet have traces on them, so I just shook them out. The fur jacket was thankfully in a protective cover, so I hope they didn´t get to it, but I´ll have to get some mothballs to put in there just in case. I´m not a fan of these, but that fur jacket is the warmest winter garment I have, and I´d hate to have it chewed up.
The clothes dryer in my living room is full of freshly laundered towels, and the bed linens are lying in the corridor waiting to be laundered, too. The closet has been wiped with alcohol glass cleaner.
Before putting the clothes back on the rack, of course, I did a size check. What I ended up with was half a sack full of too-big items, among them most of the jackets I´d worn last winter and a linen suit that had, by now, also become unwearably wide.
And I´ll check everything I put back for wear and tear, too. Maybe there´ll be less towels and bedclothes to put back than I took out. Having everything freshly laundered isn´t such a bad thing, either, even though this may be the first occasion I regret not owning an electric clothes dryer. On the other hand, if I have too many to dry on the rack, I probably have too many, period. I´ll have to be selective about what I put back.
As I launder the items as hot as possible to ensure getting rid of moth eggs, this is also quite an expense as far as our electric and water bills are concerned. But I don´t really think I have a choice there- either wash them, or risk having those beasties multiply again inside my wardrobe.
And the next time I get to a hardware store, I´ll get myself some duct tape to patch up the rear wall of my closet.
Meanwhile, the half-empty closet shows me clearly how many of my old clothes won´t accompany me into my slim life. Guess what, as I am not, presently, going bare, this is a great way of finding out how many clothes I really need. Maybe, in the end, I won´t even need as much closet space. If and when we ever get around to our- ever postponed- bedroom relocation project, that may even be of some help.
There´s no decluttering help like finding some pests, is there?
Julia
2012/04/20
Footprints
In front of our shower, just besides the scales, lies a red terrycloth foot towel to prevent slipping when getting out wet.
For the longest time, the wet footprints I left on that were looking like the full outline of my foot, with no trace left of an arch, and I had resigned myself to believing that all that extra weight must have collapsed the arches on my feet. I could, at that time, wear no shoes that didn´t have moulded insoles if I didn´t want my feet to start hurting badly after walking or standing for even a short moment.
When I looked at the wet footprints I left this morning, what I saw was... a healthy-looking footprint, with no trace of a flat foot any more. The change may be partly due to some fat having condensed off my feet, and the other part would be the reduced pressure from those seventy-plus pounds less weighing on them.
It´s a small detail, but one more thing to show me how far I have come. What it also shows me is that at least some of the changes in my body brought on by having been obese are really reversible.
And I´m glad about that.
Julia
For the longest time, the wet footprints I left on that were looking like the full outline of my foot, with no trace left of an arch, and I had resigned myself to believing that all that extra weight must have collapsed the arches on my feet. I could, at that time, wear no shoes that didn´t have moulded insoles if I didn´t want my feet to start hurting badly after walking or standing for even a short moment.
When I looked at the wet footprints I left this morning, what I saw was... a healthy-looking footprint, with no trace of a flat foot any more. The change may be partly due to some fat having condensed off my feet, and the other part would be the reduced pressure from those seventy-plus pounds less weighing on them.
It´s a small detail, but one more thing to show me how far I have come. What it also shows me is that at least some of the changes in my body brought on by having been obese are really reversible.
And I´m glad about that.
Julia
2012/04/19
Sneaking out of my vices
I´m still deliberating with myself about when and how to quit smoking again. Well, actually, I keep coming up with excuses why I don´t just stop, period.
What I did today was buy the "light" version of my brand, which has half as much nicotine according to the package, in the hope of getting my body weaned off the high doses of nicotine it´s used to before going cold turkey. I don´t know if that will make it easier, but it´s as close as I dare to go to quitting today without, well, actually quitting.
If I compare my different vices, there´s certainly a difference between being- a smoker, -a compulsive shopper, -a compulsive overeater. And it´s one that should give me hope that I can kick that nicotine habit, namely, that with shopping and eating, I will never reach the point where I can forgo the activity completely, therefore, I am in both instances forced to find the sweet spot of balance between too little and too much. On the other hand, I do not face having to give up the activity for good, so I´ll still be able to enjoy a good meal, or a good bargain if it´s something I really need.
With cigarettes, I have found out the hard way that there is no middle ground for me. Either I don´t smoke at all, or I smoke a pack a day. So, if it´s not the latter I want, I will have to quit again. The good thing being that, apart my nicotine addiction screaming for more, there is no reason at all to ever smoke another cigarette.
Now if I could just get that little voice to shut up that keeps me grabbing for the pack of cigarettes whenever things get stressful... and avoid grabbing for the pack of peanuts instead...
Julia
What I did today was buy the "light" version of my brand, which has half as much nicotine according to the package, in the hope of getting my body weaned off the high doses of nicotine it´s used to before going cold turkey. I don´t know if that will make it easier, but it´s as close as I dare to go to quitting today without, well, actually quitting.
If I compare my different vices, there´s certainly a difference between being- a smoker, -a compulsive shopper, -a compulsive overeater. And it´s one that should give me hope that I can kick that nicotine habit, namely, that with shopping and eating, I will never reach the point where I can forgo the activity completely, therefore, I am in both instances forced to find the sweet spot of balance between too little and too much. On the other hand, I do not face having to give up the activity for good, so I´ll still be able to enjoy a good meal, or a good bargain if it´s something I really need.
With cigarettes, I have found out the hard way that there is no middle ground for me. Either I don´t smoke at all, or I smoke a pack a day. So, if it´s not the latter I want, I will have to quit again. The good thing being that, apart my nicotine addiction screaming for more, there is no reason at all to ever smoke another cigarette.
Now if I could just get that little voice to shut up that keeps me grabbing for the pack of cigarettes whenever things get stressful... and avoid grabbing for the pack of peanuts instead...
Julia
2012/04/18
Quitting fears
I had been smoke-free for about seven years. And then I blew it with just one cigarillo, which led to a complete relapse. I have been back to my old pack-a-day habit for awhile. Which means, at the prices they demand for cigarettes, spending more on smoking than on food.
There it is. As if I needed to see it in writing to fully realize just how utterly dumb this is. Especially when you´re on a budget.
The sensible thing to do would be to quit again.
There´s just one hitch.
After my last quit, I gained sixty pounds in six months. Plus, I had panic attacks for even longer than that.
Both of which should have kept me from starting again. I have no idea if the panic will return if I quit now. What is different this time is that I have changed the way I eat, having a lot more protein and less carbs than back then. Perhaps my neurotransmitters are better balanced now, but I wouldn´t bet on that.
On the other hand, before my first quit, I had been smoking for almost twenty-five years. For all of my grown-up life, to be exact.
I had never been in a restaurant, or out with friends, or even working at my desk, without a cigarette. My biggest fear, back then, wasn´t gaining weight. It was not being able to make it through my day without punctuating it with cigarettes. It was not knowing what to do with my hands, or what to put in my mouth.
Back then, what I put into my mouth instead after quitting was food. Sweets, mostly. And double amounts of everything, because hunger felt so much like withdrawal.
I made it through seven years of not smoking. Actually, I found myself not needing a cigarette to be able to sit at a table with friends. I found myself not needing a cigarette to work on my case files. I found myself not having to smoke first thing in the morning and last thing at night.
So, today, I know that a smoke-free life is possible for me. I even know, because the relapse came some 40 pounds into my weight loss journey, that smoking is not essential for me to lose weight.
Knowing all of that, why am I still scared of quitting?
Julia
There it is. As if I needed to see it in writing to fully realize just how utterly dumb this is. Especially when you´re on a budget.
The sensible thing to do would be to quit again.
There´s just one hitch.
After my last quit, I gained sixty pounds in six months. Plus, I had panic attacks for even longer than that.
Both of which should have kept me from starting again. I have no idea if the panic will return if I quit now. What is different this time is that I have changed the way I eat, having a lot more protein and less carbs than back then. Perhaps my neurotransmitters are better balanced now, but I wouldn´t bet on that.
On the other hand, before my first quit, I had been smoking for almost twenty-five years. For all of my grown-up life, to be exact.
I had never been in a restaurant, or out with friends, or even working at my desk, without a cigarette. My biggest fear, back then, wasn´t gaining weight. It was not being able to make it through my day without punctuating it with cigarettes. It was not knowing what to do with my hands, or what to put in my mouth.
Back then, what I put into my mouth instead after quitting was food. Sweets, mostly. And double amounts of everything, because hunger felt so much like withdrawal.
I made it through seven years of not smoking. Actually, I found myself not needing a cigarette to be able to sit at a table with friends. I found myself not needing a cigarette to work on my case files. I found myself not having to smoke first thing in the morning and last thing at night.
So, today, I know that a smoke-free life is possible for me. I even know, because the relapse came some 40 pounds into my weight loss journey, that smoking is not essential for me to lose weight.
Knowing all of that, why am I still scared of quitting?
Julia
Waves, descending slowly
That´s what my weight curve looks like these last weeks. Which is infinitely better than that pesky plateau I had been stuck on. It also makes it easier to stick to my plan, because I can finally see rewards again.
What it does take, of course, is willpower. DH, who never was medically obese, doesn´t need to watch his carbs as closely as I do, so, these last days, I have been cooking single portions of starches for him alone, while I had just the meat and vegetable part of meals. Guess what, it works. And I find myself not even craving those potatoes or pommes croquette as long as I have a sufficient amount of vegetables to feed on.
Even though there was a time when there wasn´t a pomme croquette I didn´t like.
Go figure.
Julia
What it does take, of course, is willpower. DH, who never was medically obese, doesn´t need to watch his carbs as closely as I do, so, these last days, I have been cooking single portions of starches for him alone, while I had just the meat and vegetable part of meals. Guess what, it works. And I find myself not even craving those potatoes or pommes croquette as long as I have a sufficient amount of vegetables to feed on.
Even though there was a time when there wasn´t a pomme croquette I didn´t like.
Go figure.
Julia
2012/04/16
Sodium woes
I hadn´t really thought I wouldn´t be called out to duty over the weekend. Actually, I ended up spending the better part of both days bound up in business-related stuff, so much that I barely found time to plop in a few loads of laundry. What also went by the wayside was the good intentions about cooking I´d had for the weekend.
While that isn´t that dramatic as far as food waste is concerned, thanks to my big freezer where the ingredients for the meals I had planned are now slumbering, the long and short of it was that I had even less time for cooking than I usually have during the week.
Which meant taking out the wok for some stir-fried vegetables and pork on Saturday, and oven-baked veggies with halloumi cheese on Sunday. Both tasty, low-carb, too, but unfortunately both rather salty and therefore causing water retention. Which means another red triangle in my weight graph. As such things go, it´s a small one, and as I know I didn´t go too far over my calories, I´m confident to see another green area (a loss) again soon. Still, it is annoying.
But then again, what I am aiming for isn´t perfection. What I aim for is getting to goal, even if it does take some patience.
On average, I have, since I started this, lost 0.26 kilograms (about half a pound) a week. There might be people out there who regularly lose more. But I´ll bet most of them have a lot more to lose than I ever had. Underfeeding by 3500 calories is a lot easier if your exisiting body burns 5000 of them a day just for the basal metabolism. My body, as time and experimentation have shown, burns about 1500. So, if a 5000-calorie-a-day person halves his intake, there´ll be a 2500 cal/day deficit. If I halve my intake, I have to meet my body´s nutritional needs out of a 750 calorie budget, and my daily deficit would also be just 750 calories.
To get rid of that pound of fat, I´d thus take four and a half days, while the 5000-calories-a-day person would lose one every 1.4 days.
Except I would, at that going rate, be going into starvation mode and end up malnourished on top of it (not enough nutritients in that little amount of food). I´m not talking about too little calories, mind you, but about things like vitamins, minerals, and essential amino acids, of which the body needs a certain amount for proper function. So, for the long run, my average loss will be less because I won´t starve myself.
And thus I refuse to compare myself to (or allow myself to be chided by) anybody who started out with more than twice the kilos I have to lose till goal. Such a person will of course be able from the start to reach a higher average weekly loss. Let them show the numbers they produce when they have gotten as close to goal as I was when I started, and thus are likely having a similar basal metabolic rate. Then, and only then, will the results be comparable. Before that, it´s clearly a case of comparing apples and...let´s say pumpkins? No offense meant, just a comparison of size. And those are different, no matter what The Great Pumpkin might claim.
Julia
While that isn´t that dramatic as far as food waste is concerned, thanks to my big freezer where the ingredients for the meals I had planned are now slumbering, the long and short of it was that I had even less time for cooking than I usually have during the week.
Which meant taking out the wok for some stir-fried vegetables and pork on Saturday, and oven-baked veggies with halloumi cheese on Sunday. Both tasty, low-carb, too, but unfortunately both rather salty and therefore causing water retention. Which means another red triangle in my weight graph. As such things go, it´s a small one, and as I know I didn´t go too far over my calories, I´m confident to see another green area (a loss) again soon. Still, it is annoying.
But then again, what I am aiming for isn´t perfection. What I aim for is getting to goal, even if it does take some patience.
On average, I have, since I started this, lost 0.26 kilograms (about half a pound) a week. There might be people out there who regularly lose more. But I´ll bet most of them have a lot more to lose than I ever had. Underfeeding by 3500 calories is a lot easier if your exisiting body burns 5000 of them a day just for the basal metabolism. My body, as time and experimentation have shown, burns about 1500. So, if a 5000-calorie-a-day person halves his intake, there´ll be a 2500 cal/day deficit. If I halve my intake, I have to meet my body´s nutritional needs out of a 750 calorie budget, and my daily deficit would also be just 750 calories.
To get rid of that pound of fat, I´d thus take four and a half days, while the 5000-calories-a-day person would lose one every 1.4 days.
Except I would, at that going rate, be going into starvation mode and end up malnourished on top of it (not enough nutritients in that little amount of food). I´m not talking about too little calories, mind you, but about things like vitamins, minerals, and essential amino acids, of which the body needs a certain amount for proper function. So, for the long run, my average loss will be less because I won´t starve myself.
And thus I refuse to compare myself to (or allow myself to be chided by) anybody who started out with more than twice the kilos I have to lose till goal. Such a person will of course be able from the start to reach a higher average weekly loss. Let them show the numbers they produce when they have gotten as close to goal as I was when I started, and thus are likely having a similar basal metabolic rate. Then, and only then, will the results be comparable. Before that, it´s clearly a case of comparing apples and...let´s say pumpkins? No offense meant, just a comparison of size. And those are different, no matter what The Great Pumpkin might claim.
Julia
2012/04/13
TGIF!
This definitely wasn´t my kind of week, the weight I managed to lose notwithstanding.
I´m definitely looking forward to spending a quiet weekend with DH, except I am also on 24/24 emergency call over the weekend. I just hope there won´t be any, or at least none that require me to leave home to fix them.
On the up side of things, I do, once more, have a case of baggy trouser syndrome- with my smallest size pants, no less. It´s still not bad enough to make them unwearable, but I don´t think I´ll be able to wear them through more than another two or three kilo´s loss before they really start to bunch.
Has anybody else noticed that modern-day jeans don´t shrink any more in the wash? When I was a kid, that kind of size problem could have been easily remedied by simply laundering them at a slightly too-high temperature. In the fabrics they use today, that wouldn´t make any noticeable difference. Well, I still have several pairs of two-sizes-too-big pants, perhaps I should try to launder them at the highest temperature my washing mashine allows and see what happens. The worst that could happen was nothing, or having them shrink too much. As these are the same fabric as my present ones, I´d at least know if I could squeeze some more use out of them that way.
And there I was having vowed never in my life to wear hot pants ;).
Julia
I´m definitely looking forward to spending a quiet weekend with DH, except I am also on 24/24 emergency call over the weekend. I just hope there won´t be any, or at least none that require me to leave home to fix them.
On the up side of things, I do, once more, have a case of baggy trouser syndrome- with my smallest size pants, no less. It´s still not bad enough to make them unwearable, but I don´t think I´ll be able to wear them through more than another two or three kilo´s loss before they really start to bunch.
Has anybody else noticed that modern-day jeans don´t shrink any more in the wash? When I was a kid, that kind of size problem could have been easily remedied by simply laundering them at a slightly too-high temperature. In the fabrics they use today, that wouldn´t make any noticeable difference. Well, I still have several pairs of two-sizes-too-big pants, perhaps I should try to launder them at the highest temperature my washing mashine allows and see what happens. The worst that could happen was nothing, or having them shrink too much. As these are the same fabric as my present ones, I´d at least know if I could squeeze some more use out of them that way.
And there I was having vowed never in my life to wear hot pants ;).
Julia
2012/04/12
Sizing up a new (old) me
I have been morbidly obese for over twenty years. The last time I wasn´t was when I came freshly from the university, starting my career. As anyone can guess from this, I have, for almost all of my professional life, been wearing clothes that were primarily intended to make me look and feel less ginormous than I was (and failed miserably at their task).
And I have, also for all of my professional life, thought of myself as big.
As I work in a position where I have to exert some professional authority, and work with a lot of male clients, too, being big was in a way even an advantage. Being weighty made my arguments more weighty, too, and it gave me a kind of gender-neutrality that I found rather helpful sometimes. At least, I didn´t have to deal with clients trying to flirt with me, I was just not coming across as "female" enough for anyone to try.
The layers of fat, thus, even did some good.
Now that I have recondensed more than half of them and am no longer obese, my fat armour, too, has melted off, leaving exposed- what?
As summer is approaching, I have been finding myself without any fitting summer jackets left. The ones I used to wear have been decluttered, having become five to six sizes too big by now.
So, I have been, for some days, on the prowl for a well-fitting, professional-looking jacket to take me through this summer.
I know by now the new size I need. Taking a garment in that size off the rack still makes me do a double-take because it seems so incredible that I should really fit in there- they look so small!
So do I when I stand in front of the dressing room mirror wearing them.
It makes me feel a bit disoriented, actually.
Having the sturdy, big matron I had turned into gone, and seeing instead the body of the university student I used to be, ages ago, plus the changes these same ages have wrought on me.
If there´s one thing that´s clear to me it´s that I would make a complete fool of myself were I still to dress the way that university student did.
But the "big matron" style with lots of navy blue and black doesn´t suit the reemerged me any more, either.
So, I will have to reinvent myself in this smaller size, finding a style of dress that makes me look neither like a hen playing chicken nor like my own grandmother.
It seems like the price of weight loss success is having to find out plenty of things about what was hidden under the fat, too.
Julia
And I have, also for all of my professional life, thought of myself as big.
As I work in a position where I have to exert some professional authority, and work with a lot of male clients, too, being big was in a way even an advantage. Being weighty made my arguments more weighty, too, and it gave me a kind of gender-neutrality that I found rather helpful sometimes. At least, I didn´t have to deal with clients trying to flirt with me, I was just not coming across as "female" enough for anyone to try.
The layers of fat, thus, even did some good.
Now that I have recondensed more than half of them and am no longer obese, my fat armour, too, has melted off, leaving exposed- what?
As summer is approaching, I have been finding myself without any fitting summer jackets left. The ones I used to wear have been decluttered, having become five to six sizes too big by now.
So, I have been, for some days, on the prowl for a well-fitting, professional-looking jacket to take me through this summer.
I know by now the new size I need. Taking a garment in that size off the rack still makes me do a double-take because it seems so incredible that I should really fit in there- they look so small!
So do I when I stand in front of the dressing room mirror wearing them.
It makes me feel a bit disoriented, actually.
Having the sturdy, big matron I had turned into gone, and seeing instead the body of the university student I used to be, ages ago, plus the changes these same ages have wrought on me.
If there´s one thing that´s clear to me it´s that I would make a complete fool of myself were I still to dress the way that university student did.
But the "big matron" style with lots of navy blue and black doesn´t suit the reemerged me any more, either.
So, I will have to reinvent myself in this smaller size, finding a style of dress that makes me look neither like a hen playing chicken nor like my own grandmother.
It seems like the price of weight loss success is having to find out plenty of things about what was hidden under the fat, too.
Julia
2012/04/11
Taken down a notch
...and not even downcast about it :). The notch in question, of course, is the one for the ten-kilo-slider on my scales, and I could, this morning, for the first time set the slider to the next lower decade.
Guess what, I have to do that just one more time to get back to a "normal-weighted" BMI, so it is actually quite a wonderful thing to do.
I started out recondensing myself at quite exactly 50 kilograms, that´s 110 pounds, above my high-school weight. When I started on my weight loss journey, I didn´t even dare to dream of ever getting rid of more than half of those extra pounds. I thought I´d be glad if just ten kilos came off. Or if I ever got down to metric Onederland again, being able to say I didn´t have a three-digit weight in kilograms any more.
There was, actually, something extra scary to me about the amount of extra baggage I had accumulated that has to do with old weight measuring units. Here in Germany, they used to have a weight unit called a "zentner" that was identical to fifty kilograms. In English, that would be a (long) hundredweight (thumbs up to Wikipedia for finding out). There is a figure of speech used to describe a very big, burly male- a two-zentner man. A zentner bag of potatoes was what a strong farm worker could just about carry on his back. I grew up with these images of what a zentner of weight meant. And here I was burdened with that exact amount of extra baggage, having to carry it all of the time. Reaching that point was one of the darker days in my weight career.
I didn´t believe then that I would ever be able to even think about condensing all of that extra weight. Those 110 pounds´distance meant that such a goal would have appeared as unrealistic as the moon.
Today, I have recondensed 70 of them. Which brings me more than halfway to my high school weight.
I may not be able to get down as far as that, but I know now that I will be able to get as close as possible. After all, it´s "only" another 40 pounds to my high school weight, and just 26 pounds to a medically "normal" weight.
But the only thing that will get me there is perseverance and discipline.
So, I most definitely won´t celebrate this milestone with a box of chocolates.
But, just perhaps, with that cute narrow-waisted hot pink blazer I tried on this lunch break ;).
Julia
Guess what, I have to do that just one more time to get back to a "normal-weighted" BMI, so it is actually quite a wonderful thing to do.
I started out recondensing myself at quite exactly 50 kilograms, that´s 110 pounds, above my high-school weight. When I started on my weight loss journey, I didn´t even dare to dream of ever getting rid of more than half of those extra pounds. I thought I´d be glad if just ten kilos came off. Or if I ever got down to metric Onederland again, being able to say I didn´t have a three-digit weight in kilograms any more.
There was, actually, something extra scary to me about the amount of extra baggage I had accumulated that has to do with old weight measuring units. Here in Germany, they used to have a weight unit called a "zentner" that was identical to fifty kilograms. In English, that would be a (long) hundredweight (thumbs up to Wikipedia for finding out). There is a figure of speech used to describe a very big, burly male- a two-zentner man. A zentner bag of potatoes was what a strong farm worker could just about carry on his back. I grew up with these images of what a zentner of weight meant. And here I was burdened with that exact amount of extra baggage, having to carry it all of the time. Reaching that point was one of the darker days in my weight career.
I didn´t believe then that I would ever be able to even think about condensing all of that extra weight. Those 110 pounds´distance meant that such a goal would have appeared as unrealistic as the moon.
Today, I have recondensed 70 of them. Which brings me more than halfway to my high school weight.
I may not be able to get down as far as that, but I know now that I will be able to get as close as possible. After all, it´s "only" another 40 pounds to my high school weight, and just 26 pounds to a medically "normal" weight.
But the only thing that will get me there is perseverance and discipline.
So, I most definitely won´t celebrate this milestone with a box of chocolates.
But, just perhaps, with that cute narrow-waisted hot pink blazer I tried on this lunch break ;).
Julia
2012/04/10
Conversion joy
No, I didn´t change my religion, if that´s what the headline made you think.
I just did something I hadn´t done for a while- calculate my weight loss, which I usually refer to in terms of kilograms, after all I live in metric country, in pounds.
This day, I have officially lost-drum roll, please!- seventy pounds. 32 kilograms. Three full buckets of water. Or, for the metrically impaired, about eight gallons. Seventy pounds that I do no longer have to carry along everywhere I go. In terms of wardrobe, that amounts to wearing six sizes less than I used to. In terms of mobility, it means I can walk up the stairs without pulling myself up by the handrail. I can put on stockings standing on one leg instead of having to fight to reach my feet while sitting on my bed.
And DH- who isn´t prone to flattery- remarked just a few days ago how different my walk was. I can walk straight again, instead of swaying sideways because I could only waddle any more.
And I have noticed that, what with my new fitting vest, my arms swing past my body when walking without having to hold my hands out at a five o´clock position so I didn´t get caught on my hips.
This feels good.
Julia
I just did something I hadn´t done for a while- calculate my weight loss, which I usually refer to in terms of kilograms, after all I live in metric country, in pounds.
This day, I have officially lost-drum roll, please!- seventy pounds. 32 kilograms. Three full buckets of water. Or, for the metrically impaired, about eight gallons. Seventy pounds that I do no longer have to carry along everywhere I go. In terms of wardrobe, that amounts to wearing six sizes less than I used to. In terms of mobility, it means I can walk up the stairs without pulling myself up by the handrail. I can put on stockings standing on one leg instead of having to fight to reach my feet while sitting on my bed.
And DH- who isn´t prone to flattery- remarked just a few days ago how different my walk was. I can walk straight again, instead of swaying sideways because I could only waddle any more.
And I have noticed that, what with my new fitting vest, my arms swing past my body when walking without having to hold my hands out at a five o´clock position so I didn´t get caught on my hips.
This feels good.
Julia
Eggs-citement!
I promised accountability about the weekend, so here goes!
For the first time ever, I came home after a four-day holiday weekend and- lost! Just 80 percent of a pound, but a loss! Which brings me to a distance of just 200 grams from the point where I´ll be able to put that ten-kilo slider on my scales down another notch.
How I did it? This time, I had determined beforehand that I would not go off the wagon for the holidays. So, no chocolate eggs. No bread. No Easter pastries. No potatoes or pommes croquette. I had some rice with Good Friday´s fish dinner, but that was all. And apart from that, I just said no to whatever carby delights were offered.
Being below the limit of morbid obesity made things a bit easier for me there, because whenever someone (I´m talking about you, D(iet) H(azard)) offered me some carbohydrate rich stuff, I could remind myself that eating this would probably result in my going back up over the limit of obesity. After having to fight for so long to get below that point, I simply wasn´t going to risk having to do it all over again. None of those treats could possibly taste as good as it feels to be no longer obese.
As I was, once more, the designated cook for the holidays, I simply did not prepare any starchy side dishes for myself. I had brought along a bunch of precooked colored eggs, plus plenty of cottage cheese, which I had for breakfast instead of rolls and bread. Of the cheese and sausages that were offered, I took some small pieces, without bread, so I didn´t even feel deprived. For dinner, I partook from the vegetables and the roast, leaving the potato part to the rest of the family. I put some of the gravy on the meat, so I had all of the good taste without extra carbs.
Obviously, that worked.
There was another NSV over the weekend. I had mentioned my leather vests getting loose again.
On Saturday, I had a chance of visiting the factory outlet store I got these from to look for the next-smaller size.
Or so I thought.
When I came in, the salesperson recognized me from my previous visits and immediately asked me how much weight I had lost. She then proceeded to ask me what my present size in ladies´garments was. When I told her, she went to the vest rack and pulled out- my favourite vest in a size three sizes smaller than what I´d come into the shop in. I looked at her quite flabbergasted because I would have assumed that I´d gone down two sizes at the very most since my last visit. But when I tried that vest on, it fit. Closely, but it fit. I could button it, too. I tried on another of the same size, and that one, too, fit. One of them was a more rugged style of khaki-colored leather, the other a rather elegant dark brown velvety nubuck.
The very best thing about this is that the size I have reached now will probably fit me right down to goal weight without becoming too loose, this being the size in men´s vests I had been buying when I started wearing them some twenty-five years ago when I was only slightly overweight. Being female means being a bit wider around the hip and chest areas than a male of the same weight, so I need that size to accomodate both, even with the condensable matter gone.
What that means is that I will be able to wear the two vests I bought on Saturday for a long while. And they also happened to have a sale so I got those two vests for what would in another store have been the price of one.
And DH will, once again, profit from my changing size because he, too, has been condensing himself by several kilos and will thus be able to take over the vests I have shrunk out of. So, the investment (pun intended) will be doubly frugal.
Guess what, this is so much better than chocolate eggs or potatoes!
Julia
For the first time ever, I came home after a four-day holiday weekend and- lost! Just 80 percent of a pound, but a loss! Which brings me to a distance of just 200 grams from the point where I´ll be able to put that ten-kilo slider on my scales down another notch.
How I did it? This time, I had determined beforehand that I would not go off the wagon for the holidays. So, no chocolate eggs. No bread. No Easter pastries. No potatoes or pommes croquette. I had some rice with Good Friday´s fish dinner, but that was all. And apart from that, I just said no to whatever carby delights were offered.
Being below the limit of morbid obesity made things a bit easier for me there, because whenever someone (I´m talking about you, D(iet) H(azard)) offered me some carbohydrate rich stuff, I could remind myself that eating this would probably result in my going back up over the limit of obesity. After having to fight for so long to get below that point, I simply wasn´t going to risk having to do it all over again. None of those treats could possibly taste as good as it feels to be no longer obese.
As I was, once more, the designated cook for the holidays, I simply did not prepare any starchy side dishes for myself. I had brought along a bunch of precooked colored eggs, plus plenty of cottage cheese, which I had for breakfast instead of rolls and bread. Of the cheese and sausages that were offered, I took some small pieces, without bread, so I didn´t even feel deprived. For dinner, I partook from the vegetables and the roast, leaving the potato part to the rest of the family. I put some of the gravy on the meat, so I had all of the good taste without extra carbs.
Obviously, that worked.
There was another NSV over the weekend. I had mentioned my leather vests getting loose again.
On Saturday, I had a chance of visiting the factory outlet store I got these from to look for the next-smaller size.
Or so I thought.
When I came in, the salesperson recognized me from my previous visits and immediately asked me how much weight I had lost. She then proceeded to ask me what my present size in ladies´garments was. When I told her, she went to the vest rack and pulled out- my favourite vest in a size three sizes smaller than what I´d come into the shop in. I looked at her quite flabbergasted because I would have assumed that I´d gone down two sizes at the very most since my last visit. But when I tried that vest on, it fit. Closely, but it fit. I could button it, too. I tried on another of the same size, and that one, too, fit. One of them was a more rugged style of khaki-colored leather, the other a rather elegant dark brown velvety nubuck.
The very best thing about this is that the size I have reached now will probably fit me right down to goal weight without becoming too loose, this being the size in men´s vests I had been buying when I started wearing them some twenty-five years ago when I was only slightly overweight. Being female means being a bit wider around the hip and chest areas than a male of the same weight, so I need that size to accomodate both, even with the condensable matter gone.
What that means is that I will be able to wear the two vests I bought on Saturday for a long while. And they also happened to have a sale so I got those two vests for what would in another store have been the price of one.
And DH will, once again, profit from my changing size because he, too, has been condensing himself by several kilos and will thus be able to take over the vests I have shrunk out of. So, the investment (pun intended) will be doubly frugal.
Guess what, this is so much better than chocolate eggs or potatoes!
Julia
2012/04/04
Egg-streme vigilance!
Once again, there´s a four-day stretch of holidays approaching, with the resulting obligatory family visits. And, of course, food.
Having gotten, by now, almost two pounds below the limit of morbid obesity, what I aim for this year is not to regain during those days.
That means staying clear of chocolate eggs, brioches, Easter cake, bread, potatoes, and such like. And it may mean stepping on a few toes of people who take it as a personal insult if one doesn´t dig into every foodstuff they serve.
But the lesson from my Christmas experience has been clear enough.
I had believed I could go off the wagon "just for the holidays" and just climb back. What I got myself into instead was a seven-pound regain followed by several weeks during which my weightloss stalled and I had to do an inordinate amount of struggling with food cravings on top. All in all, the regain cost me about three months during which I barely managed to repair the damages from that seemingly small indulgence.
As it is, had I stuck to my guns during the Christmas holidays, I could have been below morbid obesity three months earlier.
What I have realized from that experience is that for me, there is no such thing as going off the wagon and just climbing back. That means, no more indulgences. Unless I want to find myself on the wrong side of that bridge from obese to overweight again, fighting to regain my ability to cross it.
After all, I still have 28 pounds to go to be normal-weighted again. And I have a deadline of sorts approaching for that, too. I want to enter the next decade of my life as a normal-weighted person. For that, I have a bit less than two years left. 28 pounds in 23 months is doable, but only if I don´t waste any of my available time by regaining and plateauing like I did over Christmas.
So, I´ll approach the chocolate bunny festival with egg-streme caution (there´ll be plenty of hard-boiled, colored eggs around, and those will, for me, be a better choice than those chocolate ones).
And I hope that this time I´ll manage to maintain.
I´ll be back after the holidays and promise full disclosure about how it went.
Until then,
Happy Easter!
Julia
Having gotten, by now, almost two pounds below the limit of morbid obesity, what I aim for this year is not to regain during those days.
That means staying clear of chocolate eggs, brioches, Easter cake, bread, potatoes, and such like. And it may mean stepping on a few toes of people who take it as a personal insult if one doesn´t dig into every foodstuff they serve.
But the lesson from my Christmas experience has been clear enough.
I had believed I could go off the wagon "just for the holidays" and just climb back. What I got myself into instead was a seven-pound regain followed by several weeks during which my weightloss stalled and I had to do an inordinate amount of struggling with food cravings on top. All in all, the regain cost me about three months during which I barely managed to repair the damages from that seemingly small indulgence.
As it is, had I stuck to my guns during the Christmas holidays, I could have been below morbid obesity three months earlier.
What I have realized from that experience is that for me, there is no such thing as going off the wagon and just climbing back. That means, no more indulgences. Unless I want to find myself on the wrong side of that bridge from obese to overweight again, fighting to regain my ability to cross it.
After all, I still have 28 pounds to go to be normal-weighted again. And I have a deadline of sorts approaching for that, too. I want to enter the next decade of my life as a normal-weighted person. For that, I have a bit less than two years left. 28 pounds in 23 months is doable, but only if I don´t waste any of my available time by regaining and plateauing like I did over Christmas.
So, I´ll approach the chocolate bunny festival with egg-streme caution (there´ll be plenty of hard-boiled, colored eggs around, and those will, for me, be a better choice than those chocolate ones).
And I hope that this time I´ll manage to maintain.
I´ll be back after the holidays and promise full disclosure about how it went.
Until then,
Happy Easter!
Julia
2012/04/03
Scaredy fat cat
Eat just 1470 calories a day, on average, for the rest of my life?
That´s exactly the challenge that Allan of Almost Gastric Bypass has been putting out for everyone to try. And it´s the right thing to do if I want to test my ability to get to goal and keep the weight off.
Eat what you will be able to eat at your goal weight and not gain.
While Allan´s peculiar brand of encouragement and criticism may not appeal to everybody ( he tends to be a bit caustic sometimes, and his penchant for toilet stories can be somewhat disgusting), the logic behind his challenge is unassailable.
A person who eats what his or her ideal-weighted body would need, in terms of calories, will do two things: first, he/she will lose the weight that separates him/her from their ideal weight, and, once that has been reached, he/she will be able to maintain that weight without further effort. As long as they stick to the caloric limit that comes with their ideal weight.
As soon as you go above that limit, regains ensue.
I guess all of us have, at one time or another, fallen prey to the assumption that you can lose weight, and then return to eating the way you did when you were fat. Guess what, if you do, you will be fat again.
And that´s what powers the dieting roller coaster many of us have been on for a long while.
But- it´s scary looking at those numbers. 1470 calories- that´s about one supersized burger with fries and soda, or that infamous onion blossom at a certain restaurant chain. Or less than three bars of chocolate, or one package of ice cream. Or one full plate of pancakes with syrup poured over them.
I have been fat for most of my grown-up life, and for as long, these things were what I considered to be one meal of the day, or even a snack, which of course was just one of at least three meals and extra snacks. To maintain my top weight, I had to eat around 3000 calories a day. Someone who is bigger needs even more.
What I also believed I needed was the perennially overflowing fridge. Sausages, big blocks of cheese, pudding. There for me whenever I felt the slightest twinge of- no, not hunger. I was never hungry, simply because I was eating almost continually. What propelled me in the direction of the fridge was anything but hunger. I had, actually, lost all sense of hunger or satiety. Eating was what I did whenever my stomach was anything but full, and I stopped eating when I had reached the physical limits of what I could stuff into my belly and not explode.
These days, when I open my refrigerator, I can, at one glance, take inventory of everything that is in there.
Had it ever been that empty-looking while I was fat, I´d have gone shopping for refills immediately because I was scared of not having anything to eat.
I have been relearning what it feels like to be hungry. I have relearned that it´s not the end of the world if I feel hungry. And I have learned that eating when hungry means that there really is a point where I can stop eating, long before that point of being stuffed to the limits. It´s called satiety.
It´s also what to me used to be the signal, not to stop eating, but rather, to start eating because below it came the dreaded feeling of hunger.
If I stay below those 1470 calories at the weight I have now, there´s always a slight twinge of hunger in between meals. That´s perfectly natural, because the remaining extra pounds are not provided for at that intake.
But it´s a good kind of hunger, because it means that those extra pounds are in the process of leaving my body.
Yes, it´s scary to look at 1470 calories´worth of food and say: "That´s what I may eat for the rest of my life", because with this thought comes the fear of being constantly hungry for the rest of my life.
Which is wrong.
Those 1470 calories are what my body will need at goal weight. No more, no less. And that means that if I eat like that at goal, it will be sufficient.
With every pound I lose, the hunger pangs get smaller.
And the scaredy fat cat inside me who still thinks that one must feel stuffed before one has eaten enough?
He´ll probably always be there. But he may never again take over control. I´ve come too far to let him.
Julia
That´s exactly the challenge that Allan of Almost Gastric Bypass has been putting out for everyone to try. And it´s the right thing to do if I want to test my ability to get to goal and keep the weight off.
Eat what you will be able to eat at your goal weight and not gain.
While Allan´s peculiar brand of encouragement and criticism may not appeal to everybody ( he tends to be a bit caustic sometimes, and his penchant for toilet stories can be somewhat disgusting), the logic behind his challenge is unassailable.
A person who eats what his or her ideal-weighted body would need, in terms of calories, will do two things: first, he/she will lose the weight that separates him/her from their ideal weight, and, once that has been reached, he/she will be able to maintain that weight without further effort. As long as they stick to the caloric limit that comes with their ideal weight.
As soon as you go above that limit, regains ensue.
I guess all of us have, at one time or another, fallen prey to the assumption that you can lose weight, and then return to eating the way you did when you were fat. Guess what, if you do, you will be fat again.
And that´s what powers the dieting roller coaster many of us have been on for a long while.
But- it´s scary looking at those numbers. 1470 calories- that´s about one supersized burger with fries and soda, or that infamous onion blossom at a certain restaurant chain. Or less than three bars of chocolate, or one package of ice cream. Or one full plate of pancakes with syrup poured over them.
I have been fat for most of my grown-up life, and for as long, these things were what I considered to be one meal of the day, or even a snack, which of course was just one of at least three meals and extra snacks. To maintain my top weight, I had to eat around 3000 calories a day. Someone who is bigger needs even more.
What I also believed I needed was the perennially overflowing fridge. Sausages, big blocks of cheese, pudding. There for me whenever I felt the slightest twinge of- no, not hunger. I was never hungry, simply because I was eating almost continually. What propelled me in the direction of the fridge was anything but hunger. I had, actually, lost all sense of hunger or satiety. Eating was what I did whenever my stomach was anything but full, and I stopped eating when I had reached the physical limits of what I could stuff into my belly and not explode.
These days, when I open my refrigerator, I can, at one glance, take inventory of everything that is in there.
Had it ever been that empty-looking while I was fat, I´d have gone shopping for refills immediately because I was scared of not having anything to eat.
I have been relearning what it feels like to be hungry. I have relearned that it´s not the end of the world if I feel hungry. And I have learned that eating when hungry means that there really is a point where I can stop eating, long before that point of being stuffed to the limits. It´s called satiety.
It´s also what to me used to be the signal, not to stop eating, but rather, to start eating because below it came the dreaded feeling of hunger.
If I stay below those 1470 calories at the weight I have now, there´s always a slight twinge of hunger in between meals. That´s perfectly natural, because the remaining extra pounds are not provided for at that intake.
But it´s a good kind of hunger, because it means that those extra pounds are in the process of leaving my body.
Yes, it´s scary to look at 1470 calories´worth of food and say: "That´s what I may eat for the rest of my life", because with this thought comes the fear of being constantly hungry for the rest of my life.
Which is wrong.
Those 1470 calories are what my body will need at goal weight. No more, no less. And that means that if I eat like that at goal, it will be sufficient.
With every pound I lose, the hunger pangs get smaller.
And the scaredy fat cat inside me who still thinks that one must feel stuffed before one has eaten enough?
He´ll probably always be there. But he may never again take over control. I´ve come too far to let him.
Julia
2012/04/02
Scales of justice
Are your scales doing justice to your weight?
The relationship we have to our weighing instruments is quite often a love-hate one. When we´re losing, we just looove to get on them, when we know we likely have gained...not so.
I, for one, have fought my tendency to gain weight for longer than I care to remember.
The first scales I was weighed on were my parents´, who, being doctors, had a very expensive specimen that might as well have been standing in a doctor´s office, with sliding weights on a balancing beam. So, very exact.
When I moved away from home, I bought myself a cheap bathroom scale, which also had the distinction of fitting underneath my bed. And there it sat, gathering dust.
I gained weight. Just enough so my clothes didn´t fit any more. Out came the scales, now used daily, and a diet plan of powdered diet shakes I clung to religiously, losing about twenty ponds, until the day I fainted in the university library due to the fact that these shakes weren´t made to be eaten exclusively for more than two weeks at a time, so I had gotten myself into quite a nutritient deficit. The product, btw, has been pulled from the shelves long ago.
As soon as I got off that plan, I regained. The scales went under the bed again. I didn´t want to know.
Until the next try, this time with a diet plan that has been popularized by a German magazine. Out came the scales, off went the weight. Off plan went I, on came the weight.
Rinse, wash, repeat.
Whenever I wouldn´t weigh myself regularly, I´d gain weight.
So, when I was having the weight gain that ended up with me crossing the line to morbid obesity for the first time, I started weighing myself obsessively. And that´s when I discovered that my scales were far from being exact. If I got on them three times in sequence, I´d weigh in at three different weights. Sometimes as far off as two or three pounds.
Not the way to go if one wants exact figures.
So, I went out and bought me...the little brother of this. Sliding weights, a balancing beam, and an accuracy to a hundred grams.
And that´s what I´ve been using ever since. No batteries to be replaced, and no weight changes between weigh-ins that were just minutes apart. Expensive, but worth every penny, if only for the stress it saved me when hopping on and off those old scales.
Today, those scales stand in my bathroom, just beside the entrance to the shower. Every time I shower, I weigh myself before getting in. As I usually shower in the morning, after going potty, that´s the most reliable way I can think of to get my daily "net" weight.
Whenever I neglected those daily weigh-ins, the pounds would start to creep back up. For a while, I had kept the scales in my bedroom, but I found myself neglecting to step on them too often, so, they´re back in the bathroom.
As I mentioned before, they have sliding weights on a balancing beam that you have to move to find your weight, with the ten-kilo-slider fitting into a notched scale so it won´t go off its place.
And right now, I´m approaching the point where I´ll be able to take it down another notch. Just one kilogram until then.
I´m looking forward to it.
Julia
The relationship we have to our weighing instruments is quite often a love-hate one. When we´re losing, we just looove to get on them, when we know we likely have gained...not so.
I, for one, have fought my tendency to gain weight for longer than I care to remember.
The first scales I was weighed on were my parents´, who, being doctors, had a very expensive specimen that might as well have been standing in a doctor´s office, with sliding weights on a balancing beam. So, very exact.
When I moved away from home, I bought myself a cheap bathroom scale, which also had the distinction of fitting underneath my bed. And there it sat, gathering dust.
I gained weight. Just enough so my clothes didn´t fit any more. Out came the scales, now used daily, and a diet plan of powdered diet shakes I clung to religiously, losing about twenty ponds, until the day I fainted in the university library due to the fact that these shakes weren´t made to be eaten exclusively for more than two weeks at a time, so I had gotten myself into quite a nutritient deficit. The product, btw, has been pulled from the shelves long ago.
As soon as I got off that plan, I regained. The scales went under the bed again. I didn´t want to know.
Until the next try, this time with a diet plan that has been popularized by a German magazine. Out came the scales, off went the weight. Off plan went I, on came the weight.
Rinse, wash, repeat.
Whenever I wouldn´t weigh myself regularly, I´d gain weight.
So, when I was having the weight gain that ended up with me crossing the line to morbid obesity for the first time, I started weighing myself obsessively. And that´s when I discovered that my scales were far from being exact. If I got on them three times in sequence, I´d weigh in at three different weights. Sometimes as far off as two or three pounds.
Not the way to go if one wants exact figures.
So, I went out and bought me...the little brother of this. Sliding weights, a balancing beam, and an accuracy to a hundred grams.
And that´s what I´ve been using ever since. No batteries to be replaced, and no weight changes between weigh-ins that were just minutes apart. Expensive, but worth every penny, if only for the stress it saved me when hopping on and off those old scales.
Today, those scales stand in my bathroom, just beside the entrance to the shower. Every time I shower, I weigh myself before getting in. As I usually shower in the morning, after going potty, that´s the most reliable way I can think of to get my daily "net" weight.
Whenever I neglected those daily weigh-ins, the pounds would start to creep back up. For a while, I had kept the scales in my bedroom, but I found myself neglecting to step on them too often, so, they´re back in the bathroom.
As I mentioned before, they have sliding weights on a balancing beam that you have to move to find your weight, with the ten-kilo-slider fitting into a notched scale so it won´t go off its place.
And right now, I´m approaching the point where I´ll be able to take it down another notch. Just one kilogram until then.
I´m looking forward to it.
Julia
April Fool´s edition: Watch out for ingredient lists!
Several weight loss bloggers whose blogs I follow did post something about no longer eating white yoghourt because of the sugar in it.
Indeed, for the unaware, the yoghourt shelf may be a hazardous area if they want to avoid ingesting sugar.
Case in point is a particular brand of tsatsiki that DH and me used to buy regularly. Until recently when they started putting nutritional values on the packages. Not an ingredient list, mind you. Just the sum total of carbs, protein, and fat.
If you want to avoid added sugars, on such a label what you look for is carbohydrates. Now, in any milk product, there´s some sugar called lactose (yep, the stuff some people can´t digest) naturally present, to a tune of about 4 grams per 100 grams, i.e. 4 percent of total weight of the product. It´s part of the natural ingredients in unprocessed milk. So, if you see a number there up to 4 percent of total volume, this is still a product without added sugar.
But if you read something like 15 per cent, or worse, you know that all but four percent of those carbs have been added in, most likely in the form of sugar.
Which is what made us change brands of tsatsiki after reading the numbers on our old favorite.
It also pays to read those ingredient lists on so-called "plain" yoghourts. More than four percent of carbohydrates mean there´s added sugar in there.
But, with checking out the ingredients, I found it´s still possible to find unsugared milk products.
So, I don´t need to give up eating yoghourt. I just need to choose one that has no extra sugar.
Another place I found extra sugar this weekend was on the ingredient list of a pack of coleslaw. Prepared salads or dressings are notoriously prone to containing high amounts of it. The solution here is stay clear of them. Learn how to prepare a sugar-free vinaigrette, or make your own yoghourt dressing
And then do enjoy your guilt-free version.
For me, bending down before the onslaught of Big Sugar pushing their products at us just isn´t an option.
Choosing products that do not contain added sugar is.
If enough of us do that, there might be more products without added sugar.
Julia
Indeed, for the unaware, the yoghourt shelf may be a hazardous area if they want to avoid ingesting sugar.
Case in point is a particular brand of tsatsiki that DH and me used to buy regularly. Until recently when they started putting nutritional values on the packages. Not an ingredient list, mind you. Just the sum total of carbs, protein, and fat.
If you want to avoid added sugars, on such a label what you look for is carbohydrates. Now, in any milk product, there´s some sugar called lactose (yep, the stuff some people can´t digest) naturally present, to a tune of about 4 grams per 100 grams, i.e. 4 percent of total weight of the product. It´s part of the natural ingredients in unprocessed milk. So, if you see a number there up to 4 percent of total volume, this is still a product without added sugar.
But if you read something like 15 per cent, or worse, you know that all but four percent of those carbs have been added in, most likely in the form of sugar.
Which is what made us change brands of tsatsiki after reading the numbers on our old favorite.
It also pays to read those ingredient lists on so-called "plain" yoghourts. More than four percent of carbohydrates mean there´s added sugar in there.
But, with checking out the ingredients, I found it´s still possible to find unsugared milk products.
So, I don´t need to give up eating yoghourt. I just need to choose one that has no extra sugar.
Another place I found extra sugar this weekend was on the ingredient list of a pack of coleslaw. Prepared salads or dressings are notoriously prone to containing high amounts of it. The solution here is stay clear of them. Learn how to prepare a sugar-free vinaigrette, or make your own yoghourt dressing
And then do enjoy your guilt-free version.
For me, bending down before the onslaught of Big Sugar pushing their products at us just isn´t an option.
Choosing products that do not contain added sugar is.
If enough of us do that, there might be more products without added sugar.
Julia
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