Sunny prospects

It´s getting warm this weekend, and the forecast says it will be up to 30 degrees centigrade on Sunday. Quite a temperature jump again- it seems that weather changes are becoming ever more dramatic in the last years.
So, that means wearing my summer clothes again.
I had, some weeks ago, taken out  a blazer-and-vest set I had which had become a bit wide plus two blouses. I thought they weren´t that much too big for me yet. Alas, DH must have misunderstood something there, because he took them (without my noticing it) and dropped them off at the Red Cross.
I was a bit miffed at first when I found out, but that didn´t bring them back. And, to be honest, they were too wide, as were those jackets in the same size I decluttered on Sunday. The thing being, not that they were oversized, but that they were cut so that the wide part was up front, i.e. the big belly and chest area, and that´s exactly where I have lost most of my extra pounds. Back fat never was a problem. So, when trying the ones I still had here, I found out that the front part, after condensing those parts of me, was lying flat, and the extra fabric was sticking out in the rear like a duck´s tail most unbecomingly. As I do no longer have the big butt that used to need that much room in a garment, either, and the hemline of those jackets, too, was drooping down from back to front, accentuating that invisible duck tail, I actually wasn´t very likely to wear them any more.
Which meant they would have been wardrobe clutter.
When I thought about why I had wanted to keep them at all, what I found out was that the only reason was that I wanted the illusion of having a wider choice of jackets to wear than what I really have and can wear today.
Today, after decluttering them, that part of my wardrobe has become quite empty-looking, as has the trouser compartment. Mind you, I still have enough clothes to get by on. I bought, in addition to the four dark jackets I take turns wearing professionally, that pink blazer I mentioned, which goes with all my pants and many of my blouses, and I have found that I can get by nicely on a maximum of four pairs of trousers. Buying more than that would be a waste because I am, after all, still recondensing. As for blouses, there are still plenty. As the fabric of blouses drapes better than that of jackets, and I can wear the hem of a too-wide blouse tucked inside my jeans, I am still keeping the ones that are just one or two sizes bigger than what I´d need today.
My present wardrobe, thus, has become quite minimalist.
Which has made me realize how much I have been overbuying in clothes when I was fat.
I was always hoping to find clothes that would make me look slim again.  So, I kept buying. To no avail, of course. At a BMI 42 the hope for looking slimmer would have meant acquiring a cloaking device, not a cloak or jacket.
Today, I don´t need that any more. And I don´t have to resort to fashion (or fatshion) any more to feel myself to be presentable.
And that too, is relieving.
So, I know what my new style will be- basic pants and jackets over blouses, with a coat on top, and of course my beloved trademark leather vests.
And that is enough.
As for having gotten rid of the too-big clothes, maybe someone else will get some use out of them. I am determined this time never to need those sizes again.

Which brings me to the biggest fear I have when it comes to quitting smoking again- that I might, then, not be able to stop myself from overeating.
This weekend, we´ll be visiting MIL, and that means no smoking during the day because I don´t want to upset her over my relapse. That just might be a chance to stop for good, except I don´t want to be climbing the walls with withdrawal symptoms, either. Or eat up everything in her fridge to stop the cravings...

OTOH, if it´s true what I read about the worst withdrawal symptoms being gone after 72 hours, I could be out of them by Monday. If I were to quit today.
Last time, I had been using nicotine patches, but I don´t want to do that this time because if I quit, I want to be out of the withdrawal time as fast as possible. It ought to be easier, this time, too, because I did, back then, smoke some 50 cigarettes a day, and had been for over twenty years, and today, I´m keeping below 20 and have changed to reduced-nicotine ones a week ago.

Sitting on the fence not daring to jump. All the time knowing that the money that goes to cigarettes now would buy me some addition to my shrunk wardrobe every month.

I feel like a coward.


Julia