If you can´t say something kind...

On opening my bloglist this morning, I came upon  (link removed ) As the comment function on that blog seems to be a little off, I´ll reply here (and hope the person addressed and the one who was the topic of that post will read it).
In my experience it´s quite normal having to experiment with what works for oneself, and guess what- it´s different for everyone, so nobody should look down on somebody else just because that person is still in the stage of experimenting with different foodstuffs. The menu suggested by the poster, for example, would make me gain some two to three pounds in water weight because of the oatmeal, quinoa and honey, which would take several days to go away again. It´s true that that kind of experimentation (reintroducing foodstuffs and see what happens) that the person who seems to be the topic of that post is doing won´t happen when you eat preselected, preprepared meals, so, it´s coming later for that person than for someone who never took refuge to a readymade meal plan. But the person addressed in that post has managed to keep off most of what she lost in absolute numbers, even though she is , right now, struggling with finding out just what she may eat when she´s off the meals-ready-to-eat plan. IMHO, it takes a lot of honesty with oneself to be that open about one´s struggles. Just because the poster seems to have found out what works for her doesn´t mean she´s right in bashing someone who is still on the road to there.
Haven´t we all been shamed often enough before we started our journey?
And how much weight did we lose by being shamed?
Learning what one may eat can be difficult, especially since it´s often the things one definitely shouldn´t eat that hold the most allure. Realizing what they are, and then getting to the point where the cravings for the familiar foodstuffs take a back seat to the insight that they are just not good for you, is a bit like ending a relationship. You´ll feel sad even if you intellectually know that guy wasn´t good for you in the long run.
Ending one´s relationship to a food, especially if it´s one that was eaten because it made one feel comforted, brings the same kind of sadness, and takes you through all the stages of grieving. Look those up in a psychology book, and you´ll find that they include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance.
So, it´s not a thing that will happen immediately when you notice some food isn´t good for you. We are, after all, not talking about a food that will give you allergic shock, or make you vomit five minutes after eating it- those will not be someone´s favourites anyway. The negative consequences of eating our once comfort foods are not happening that immediately, so, it takes longer to find out which ones are bad and it also keeps you in the bargaining stage a lot longer, as in "just a bit of it won´t harm me".
If someone were to grieve for a different kind of loss, would the above poster try to get her through that by shaming her? I hope not.
If you can´t say something kind, sometimes it´s better to say nothing.



Julia