Weekends are the perfect time for sorting through things, and today, I´ve been hitting the contents of my closet. As I´ve been fat for over seven years, most of the things inside are by now several sizes too big.
On the up side that means I´ve been decluttering my wardrobe regularly, on the down side it means that the number of things that still fit is dwindling along with my weight.
There has been a time when I had given up on the hope of ever getting rid of any of that fat. So, I donated almost all of the smaller size pieces because I didn´t believe I would ever fit in there again, and resigned myself to living in a tent.
Today, I have been taking those oversized clothes out of the closet, leaving only the things that fit me right now. It´s enough to get me through another couple of pounds´ loss, and I´m determined to avoid shopping for new clothes as long as possible, with the exception of pants. A blouse or a blazer may look intentionally oversized (think "boyfriend style"), but a pair of pants with a too-droopy bottom is what I, personally, draw the line at. But, I found out that I can get along on two pairs of pants if they are washable, so, right now, that´s what I have in my current size.
Actually, I am nervous about this emerging body. It´s been hidden under a big layer of fat for so long that I don´t know what to best clothe it with. After all, the last time I was at my target weight or anywhere in the vicinity thereof was when I was at the university, the infamous freshman five that were, in my case, rather the freshman twenty never having left me. Let´s just say big shoulder pads were all the rage then, and you´ll know that, unless I kick myself into a fashion time warp, I´ll have to find a completely new style of dressing myself. Add to that the fact that I am by now (ouch) approaching middle age (I refuse to admit I´m probably already there), and don´t want to look like the proverbial hen playing chicken, that means I have a very interesting shopping expedition in my future.
Still, putting all those big clothes in storage boxes and then seeing what I get along on right now has made me realize how desperately I had hoped to find a clothes style that would make the extra pounds invisible. Of course, that didn´t work. Instead, I had a closet full of things that were, in reality, calling attention to my shape, instead of hiding it.
When I look at myself today in some old photographs, I cringe. The sad fact ist that today, I can see I looked worst in the clothes I told myself I looked best in. Back then, I had looked at those pictures, too, but, somehow, managed to not notice that I was looking like the marshmallow man in a tent.
I have noticed it now, and I have a list of items that will never again enter my closet. Wide linen kaftans, for one. Or knee-length sweaters that hug the widest part of the, er, hips. Or anything with big colorful flowers on it. Or the "they won´t see I´m fat if I wear a long shawl on top of everything else"- look. Or any of the "it doesn´t matter this was too big when I bought it, it will fit anytime soon"-squad.
The existence of the latter was due to the fact that I did my clothes shopping at a big size factory outlet store that had last year´s collection leftovers at an amazing price, but the hitch was that they did not have the items in all sizes. Thus, when I found a piece I liked, but they didn´t have my exact size, I had gotten into the habit of telling myself the next bigger size was "just a little loose" and buying that instead. I didn´t realize then that I was setting myself up for gaining until those got tight, too.
Those offenders won´t be boxed up, they are bagged up to take to charity. Never again!
What I know for sure is that I will, before buying any new clothes, look at those old photographs to warn me off such items. And perhaps I´ll take along my DH and have him take some pictures when trying on things. Especially the rear views. A mirror just doesn´t cut it like a picture.
And this time, I know what I´m looking for to avoid.
Julia
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