Flat line

That´s what my weight curve has been looking now for more than four months, on average. Not that the daily weights were all the same- they were, within a total range of about four kilograms, all over the place, acually, with the lowest and the highest values just days apart.
Seeing that kind of spikes is quite scary, actually, especially since they definitely didn´t correspond with any major dietary indiscretions.
Then again, if I look at the data I have from past years, I can see a pattern of my weight going up or at least plateauing whenever outside temperatures go up. As I am not even very hungry when it´s hot, drink absolutely no soda, and haven´t had an ice cream for about two years, the connection cannot be in what I eat, but rather in what I keep inside in the way of water retention.
Every autumn, my weight has been going down again. So I guess I´ll have to wait for autumn...
But looking up that data also reminded me of something rather positive. I am, today, 22 pounds  lighter than I was in 2011 on the same day, and 60 pounds lighter than in 2010. From my all-time highest weight, it´s down 68.2 pounds as per today. Add to that the at least two pounds of water I´m retaining due to the heat, and you get, essentially, a maintain.
Mind you, I still have to watch what I eat, keep my carbs low, and never ever take a dive into the sugar box, whatever carby treat it may contain. But then, the ability to climb all three stairs to our apartment without pausing, or run for the bus, or walk through the city without needing a crutch to lean on, is so much better than anything sweet.
I mustn´t ever forget that, or I´ll end up what Norma calls a trainwreck, in other words, part of those sad statistics that the size acceptance people use to bolster their claim that it is impossible to lose weight and keep it off in the long term.
I don´t think it´s impossible, provided you learn from your experience while losing. And provided you accept reality. For me, reality is that something like "intuitive eating" will never work for me, because my regulatory mechanisms- if there is such a thing- have broken down completely many years ago. So, I just cannot trust my body to tell me what it needs. Reality, for me, also means accepting that my hunger and satiety signals are, for the most part, not working at all. So, I can´t trust my body to tell me when it´s full, either.
What I can do is watch my portions. That has, over time,become easier by the acquisition of some new, smaller bowls and plates, which hold just what is the right portion for me, and by sticking to the iron rule of never ever eating anything directly out of the package, but putting it into a dish first, and then- no seconds. Ever.
And no fiddling around with what has worked for me in the past. If I deviate from my plan, I pay for it in added weight. If I do that often, I´ll regain. As simple as that.
And still so hard to get for many of us out there.


Julia