That's why you are fat...

Brennwert der Lebensmittel: 18735 kJ (4475 kcal) Tagesbedarf: 5560 kJ (1328 kcal) 337% des Tagesbedarfs an Energie aufgenommen

I ran the typical intake of a typical day of unrestricted eating through my journalling

 app. Mind you, without the one beer I would usually have had with my dinner. That would add another 200 calories, bringing me to 4675 calories. Assuming the usual amount of walking (the Tagesbedarf number is pure BMR without accounting for movement) that would take my calories out to about 1900,  that would mean an excess of 2775 calories for a typical day. Again, all the while believing I was eating normally. Statistically, eating like that would have made me gain 145 kilos in a single year *shudder*. 

There but for fortune...

Seeing those numbers, what I should be astonished about is not why I did not lose any weight. It is why I am not hopelessly morbidly obese by now. 

I read somewhere that caloric needs are about 300 calories a day elevated in people who smoke. But even adding that, I could have gained 124 kilos in a year eating like that, all the while protesting I did not eat that much.

I keep remembering that quarrel I had with my father after gaining those last twenty kilos in three months, me screaming at him that he did not understand, that it was the meds I had been taking, and that no way on earth could I have overeaten by 2000 calories a day without noticing. 

Boy was I wrong.

If it is possible to go that far above my calories with just one sleeve of cookies, one pack of peanuts, one bowl of chocolate pudding with vanilla sauce and three small salami sausages, while skipping lunch and having a three egg breakfast and a portion controlled dinner, then any day where I allowed myself more than a single indulgence was a complete caloric desaster.

I know why I hesitated so long to do this exercise. I had guessed it would turn out results I would not like. 

What the strict journalling also turns out is the reason why I am once more plateauing, in spite of eating at a felt deficit.  Because the deficit I really eat at is so small that I would take between one and two months to lose a single kilogram of fat. 

I weigh 94 kilos, still, as of today. And I have about 50 per cent of body fat. 

And I want to get down to at least 69 kilograms. That would be normal BMI. 

Which means I have 25 kilograms to lose. If I really want to be there by next November I need a 420 calories a day deficit. Not a 150 calories one. 

And all for those indulgences that are so not worth it. 

Psyching myself up for the big cut.