Maintenance in progress

To my chagrin, that´s all I can say about the way my weight has been developing this week. There were some crazy fluctuations going on, with the highest and lowest weight of those weeks just one day apart, and what they average out to is... a maintain, at a level about two pounds above the limit of obesity. Two. Lousy.Pounds. That have decided to stick on. The only thing I changed about my intake is that I have been upping my intake of liquids, namely unsweetened ginger tea of which I have been drinking at least half a liter to a liter a day, so, it´s entirely possible that this is just my body being rehydrated (I wasn´t very good about my fluid intake for awhile).
I could, of course, ask myself just why that arbitrary limit between overweight and obese is so important to me. That two-pound difference would, in all likelihood, not make any difference in the way I feel, or in the way my body functions. But it stands between me and what I have been aiming for, which gives it a far greater importance in my mind than the other pounds I have already recondensed. It also stands for the point where I will, perhaps, be able again to see a doctor without preparing myself in advance to receive a lecture on why I have to absolutely lose weight, even if what sent me there was a cold. .
And it´s something that is a definite part of my bucket list. If ever a postmortem should have to be done on my body, I don´t want the description of the subject to read "morbidly obese female".
The size acceptance people out there will probably claim that I am caving in to external pressures if I say so, but morbid obesity wasn´t a state I wilfully chose to enter, and I have never resigned myself to living there, even if my attempts at fleeing it were not successful until now. Yes, there is a lot of shame involved. Shame at not having kept myself from becoming that fat, and shame at having been unable to lose the excess weight for so long. Losing it, finally, means a redemption of sorts.
I know my life won´t be perfect just because I lost weight, but I do believe that getting rid of even one thing that makes you feel shame is good for your overall wellbeing.
So, I want to get rid of that label.
And this time around by golly I´ll do it.



Julia